Ke kamaʻilio nei mākou e pili ana i nā hananaʻohana, nā hiʻohiʻona ola - nā hiʻohiʻona makua, a he mea maʻalahi ia i ka poʻe e heluhelu ana i nā hana a ka mea'imikala a me ke kanaka kilokiloʻAmelikaʻo Eric Bern. "ʻO ke kūlana o ke ola - ka hilinaʻi makua" - he kumumanaʻo o ke ola i hoʻomaopopoʻoleʻia e ke kanaka i loko o nā mea nui e hana ai nona iho i ka wā kamaliʻi ma lalo o ka hopena o nā mākua, nā mea nui a me nā hanana. ʻO keʻano hou aʻe o "kūlana" "i kauʻia" e ka makahiki 18, a ... ua hoʻokōʻia i nā ola a pau, ināʻaʻole makemake kekahi e hoʻomaopopo a hoʻololi i nā loli kūpono. "Nā matana hōʻailona", me ka mea i hakuʻia ai ka hōʻailona, loaʻa nā memo mai nā mākua e pili ana i keʻano e ola ai, pehea e hana ai i kekahi mauʻano, he aha nā pāpā a me nāʻaeʻana, heʻaeʻia nāʻano hana, nā kuʻuna, nā pono, nā manaʻo, a pēlā aku. "Ua hewa a pāpāʻia," a,ʻoiaʻiʻo, kaʻike e pili ana i ka hopena o nā mākua, ka mea a lākou e hana ai, nā mea a lākou e'ōlelo ai, a me nā mea a lākou e noho mālie ai, huna. Maanei e hiki ai iāʻoe ke hoʻomanaʻo a me nāʻike hihihihi pilina, nā mea e noho mālie ana, akā iʻikeʻia i loko o ke kahua o kaʻohana. Ke hoʻololiʻia nei e hiki ke loaʻa iā mākou kekahi mau hiʻohiʻona, nā'ōmeu (mau kumu) o ka hana i loko o ia mau mea a iʻole nā hopena'ē aʻe, akā, e "neʻe i ka mea maoli" pēlā i loko o ia mau moʻolelo a hāʻule.
ʻO keʻano o ka pilinaʻohana , e like me kekahi mauʻano o ke "hiʻohiʻona o ke ola -ʻo ka makua makua," heʻokoʻa ke kumu i hala ai nā kumu maoli no ka nānāʻana i ka wā i hala aku nei, pinepine aku i hoʻokahi hanauna i hala aku nei, a ua kauʻia keʻano o nā hana. 'Ōlelo maiʻo Natalia Kravchenko iaʻu i kahi nane, kahi e wehewehe pono kahi a me ke kumu o ka hōʻailona. Uaʻike kekahi kanakaʻaʻole i omo kāna wahine i ka moa a pau, akāʻokiʻoki wale i mau'āpana. Nīnauʻo ia no ke ahaʻo ia i hana ai, a loaʻa iā ia ka pane: "ʻO ia ka manawa i hoʻomākaukau mau ai koʻu makuahine." Hele akulaʻo ia i ka makuahōnōwai wahine, nīnau aku iā ia i ka nīnau like, a loaʻa iā ia ka pane: "Na kēia makuahine kēiaʻai." Hele akula ua kanaka'ōpio lā i kona kupunawahine, a haʻiʻo ia iā ia: "ʻAe,ʻo wau ke kuke i ka moa e like me ia. Akā, no ka mea, i koʻu wā'ōpiopio, ua loaʻa iaʻu kahi kapuahi liʻiliʻi, aʻaʻole kūpono i ka moa a pau. " Loaʻa i kēlā me kēia kanaka kona mauʻano pono'ī no ka hanaʻana i ka moa. ʻO mākou wale nō, e like me nā mākua a me nā kupunawahine me nā kupuna kāne, he koho: kuke e like me ka mea i aʻoʻia mai ka wā kamaliʻi, aiʻole e ho'āʻo hou i kahi meaʻai'ē aʻe, no ka mea,ʻoi aku ko mākou pāpale! Akā naʻe,ʻaʻole mākou eʻike mau i kēia koho mai ko mākou kiʻi o ke ao.
ʻO keʻano kūpono a me ka pololei o keʻano o ka nohona -ʻo keʻano o ka makua -ʻo ia ka hana houʻana i ka "line of life" o nā mākua, a me nā kaikamāhine e'ōlelo hou i ka hopena o ka makuahine, a me nā keiki - ka makua kāne a me nā mākua koʻikoʻi'ē aʻe, ināʻaʻole i lawa kaʻohana a iʻole nā mākua i loko o ke ola o ke keiki. Akāʻo nāʻano hoʻohālikelike makuaʻole i nāʻano hou i ke ala kumu. E'ōlelo, he makuahine, e makemake ana i kāna kaikamahine e mare maikaʻi, hoʻonāukiukiʻo ia i ka hauʻoli o kaʻohana ma luna o ka wahine a hiki i konaʻano akamai a hiki ke hoʻomalu i ke kāne, aʻo ka wahine ikaika he mau keiki kāneʻole ia. Ke ulu nei ke kaikamahine, ua loaʻa ka hoʻonaʻauao maikaʻi, hanaʻo ia i ka hanaʻepekema - aʻoiaiʻaʻole hiki iā ia ke loaʻa he hoa kūpono o ke ola, no ka mea, e like me ka hoʻonāʻana i kanuʻia e ka makua, manaʻo muaʻo priomua i nā kāne iʻoi aku ka naʻaupō ma mua o ia iho, ho'āʻo e kuhikuhi i nā hoa hana a me nā hoa i kēlā me kēia manawa. kona akamai pono'ī, a ke ho'āʻo neiʻo ia e hoʻopilipalu i kāna mau pā i ka holomua o ka lanakila. Nāna e aʻo ma o kona iho pono'ī aiʻole ma ke kōkuaʻana o kahi kanaka kālaiʻike i keʻano pilikino'ē aʻe e kūpono ana i kahi hui kaiaulu e haʻalele ana i nā hiʻohiʻona pilikino o kaʻohana, kahi e hele mai ai ka "naʻauao wahine hilahilaʻole" (i ka manawa o ka mana o ka ahahui i nā kāne, hehehe).
ʻOi aku ka maikaʻi o nā keiki ma ka hoʻomanaʻoʻana i ka hana a ko lākou mau mākua ma mua o kā lākou'ōlelo. A pinepine ka makuahine a me ka makua i ke kū'ē iā lākou iho a iʻole kekahi i kekahi, e hoʻolālā ana i nā keiki i ka lualua schizophrenic. Eia ka laʻana, hoʻoikaika ka makuahine i kāna kaikamahine e pono i ka wahine e noho ma kahi pono ke mare a loaʻa iā ia nā keiki, aʻo ia nō ka mea e pili ana i kāna kāneʻona lama, e hana mālie me ka mahaloʻole. ʻO ka mea paha,ʻo ke kaikamahine i kona makemakeʻoiaʻiʻo e hoʻokō i ka aʻoʻana o ka makuahine, e kohoʻo ia i nā kāne e like me kona makuakāne, a pēlā nō e kūkulu i nā pilina me lākou e hāʻule ana i kēlā me kēia manawa. ʻO ka hopena o ka hana eʻoi aku i ka manawa hoʻokahi aʻaʻole iʻelua manawa, e alakaʻi ana i ka wahine i ka loiloi, e like me kona manaʻo, ka hopena e pili ana i ka ponoʻole o nā kāne. Ma ke ala, he nui nā mea'ōpiopio e like me keʻano o ke ola - ua hoʻoholo nā mākua i nā mea a lākou i koho ai he mau hoa wahine, a me kaʻikeʻole i nā kāne.
ʻO keʻano o ka hanaʻana i ka pilina o ke ola,ʻo ia keʻano o ka makua -ʻo ia ka ho'āʻo e hoʻohuli a puni,ʻaʻole e like me ka mea i aʻoʻia: e hālāwai me nā kāneʻaʻole i like i ko lākou makuakāne, no ka loaʻaʻana o kahiʻoihana a nā mākua e hopohopo nei ... Akā, ʻO Bern, kahiʻano likeʻole, me kahi hōʻailona'ē aʻe. ʻAʻole kekahi e hoʻonāukiuki iā mākou, no ka mea,ʻaʻohe ponoʻole ka hōʻailona a me keʻano hōʻailona i ko mākou mau makemake, kū hoʻokahi,ʻaʻole like me ka makua, ke kū'ē pinepine paha iā lākou.
ʻOiaiʻo ka hōʻailona hōʻailona he manawa maʻamau ia i ke kūkuluʻiaʻana o kahi'ōnaehana o ke ola pono'ī (aʻaʻoleʻo ka makua). Hoʻomaopopo pinepineʻia ka moekolohe i ka moekolohe i nā mea'ōpio.
ʻO ka hōʻoiaʻole o kēiaʻano a me kēlāʻano o ka halihaliʻaʻole e pili iā mākou, hiki keʻikeʻia e ka hopena e hōʻike pinepineʻia mai nei ma luna o mākou (me he mea lā e komo anaʻoe i ke kapa komo mai ka poʻohiwi'ē aʻe a hoʻokau iāʻoe), aiʻole i nā pilikia nui loa, i kekahi manawa ma kekahi pae. ʻO ka mea kaumaha, pinepine,ʻo kēlā mau pilikia wale nō ka mea e nānā aku ai i ko kākou ola ma kahiʻokoʻa'ē aʻe aʻike i nāʻano likeʻole a me nā mea like paha e "hele" iā mākou i kēlā me kēia manawa. Eia naʻe,ʻo ka nānā ponoʻana i nā hanana a me ka nānāʻana i kēlā mau'ōlelo hou e kōkua i ka hahaiʻana i lalo. A no ka hoʻomaopopoʻana inā pili hou ka moʻaukala, a laila ua hewa kekahi mea, a he mea pono eʻike i keʻano o ia mea, a me ka hoʻoponoponoʻana iā ia inā he pono, me ke kōkuaʻana o ke kauka. Ma hope o nā mea a pau, ua pōkole ko mākou ola no ka loaʻaʻana o ka manawa hoʻolālā o ka hoʻolālā manawa i nā hewa hoʻokahi.